Journal 8.26.15

August 26, 2015 § 1 Comment

August 26th, 2015:

My prayer right now is to take things one day at a time, to remember that Jesus’ love is stronger and greater than any human love, to be quieter, to focus more on my daily prayers.  To reach out to a sister more and be a better friend to her. To be more patient with people.  If I truly feel that God’s vocation for me right now is to be out among so many people, to be “all things to all men” (as Elisabeth Leseur said so many times in her wonderful book!), then I need to live up to that with everyone, not just the company it is easy to enjoy.  To not let my emotions sway my spiritual life so much. This has been one of the hardest lessons of heartbreak: realizing how focused on a human being’s love I have been. I always used to quote that one book (Not A Sparrow Falls) “the arms of flesh will fail you” and be so sure I wouldn’t ever be so focused on a person’s love that it would shake my faith in Jesus, but as usual pride goes before the fall, and that’s exactly what happened.  I know Jesus’ love is better. I know all the right things, I just need to figure out how to put them into practice.  Reading 2nd Corinthians right now, a chapter every other night, to give me time to think on the words.  (So grateful for the wonders of modern technology sometimes: the USCCB’s online Bible is handy to have around, because if I forget what I read the night before, I can pop on it and refresh my memory.)  Stab of pain in my heart when I read 2 Corinthians Chapter 3, because it has the verse about us being Paul’s “living epistles”… that we are the letter from God to be read by the world, and that verse has always reminded me of children, of raising children to love God and the Church, all the saints and angels and the beauty of Catholicism.  So I decided to offer up the pain at not having children yet for all the mothers considering abortion.  It made me feel a little bit better but I’m no saint yet.

A few things I’m especially grateful for today: Getting to see friends from out of town… Veronica, when she came in for the wedding…. Callie visited for a few days and we all went to Knoebels… I hung out at Ron’s apartment last night and had a great heart-to-heart with him and Erica.  (It’s so funny to think that a year ago today, I didn’t know either of them, or Harry or any of his friends.  They have brought so much joy into my life.)  Ang is at the PNA Convention right now and was named assistant secretary of the convention!!  Hahaha I shouldn’t even be surprised.  Henry Rat appears to be the healthiest old man rat in the world.

Today, I am not going to worry about meeting up with Danny.  I am not going to look back at all the mistakes I’ve made in the past year and a half and wish that I hadn’t. I’m going to pray and focus on the daily good things.

Mother Mary, comfort me.

Heart of Jesus, help me.

 

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§ One Response to Journal 8.26.15

  • Walt says:

    Speaking of stabs of pain and children: I pray the Psalms on a 4-week cycle. Psalm 58 is in Week 4 of my cycle, and when I get to verse 8b (“..like the untimely birth that never sees the sun.”), I always pause to mourn the loss of Cecilia Joy, and pray for the Schmit family.

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